The slap comes so fast I don’t register what’s happening until after the impact. One moment I’m standing in their pristine kitchen asking a simple question—could my daughter-in-law please not smoke around me because my damaged lungs can barely handle clean air—and the next moment my son’s palm connects with my cheek with a crack that echoes off the granite countertops and stainless steel appliances.
My head snaps to the side. Heat floods my face immediately, spreading from the point of contact outward like ripples in water. I taste copper, that distinctive metallic tang where my teeth have caught the soft tissue inside my cheek. For several seconds, the entire room tilts at an impossible angle, and I have to grip the edge of the counter to keep from falling.
The cigarette smoke from Sloan’s expensive menthol cigarette continues to curl between us like a living thing, lazy and unconcerned, drifting toward the ventilation hood that she never bothers to turn on. My son—Deacon, the boy I raised alone in a cramped two-bedroom apartment on the east side of Columbus, the child for whom I worked my fingers raw and my lungs to ruin—has just struck his seventy-three-year-old mother because I asked for breathable air.
“Maybe now you’ll learn to keep your mouth shut,” Deacon says, his voice flat and emotionless, as if he’s commenting on the weather rather than the violence he just committed. He looks at me the way you might look at a piece of trash someone forgot to take out, with mild annoyance and complete dismissal.
My throat closes. My damaged lungs, already struggling with the smoke, now have to contend with the shock and the tears I’m fighting to contain. I can’t get enough air. Each attempted breath feels like inhaling through a wet cloth, like drowning on dry land. I had only asked one thing—just one simple thing—because my pulmonologist had been very clear that my chronic lung disease was progressive, that exposure to smoke would accelerate the damage, that I needed to protect what little lung function I had left.
But this is Sloan’s house. Sloan’s rules. Sloan’s expensive cigarettes that probably cost more per pack than my weekly grocery budget.
Sloan herself laughs—not a big, dramatic laugh, just a small, satisfied sound that makes my skin crawl. A smirk curves her perfectly lipsticked mouth as she takes another deliberate drag, her eyes locked on mine, watching my reaction with the kind of detached curiosity you might show watching an insect struggle. Her designer yoga pants probably cost what I used to make in a week at Morrison Textile Factory. Her platinum blonde ponytail sits perfectly on her head, every hair in place, not a wrinkle in her silk tank top, not a care visible anywhere on her flawless face.
Deacon turns away from me as if I’ve already ceased to exist, as if the assault was just a minor interruption in his evening routine. He walks over to Sloan with easy familiarity, cups her face gently in the same hand that just struck me, and presses a tender kiss to her forehead.
“Dinner out tonight?” he asks, his voice now warm and affectionate in a way it hasn’t been with me in months.
“Absolutely,” Sloan purrs, reaching up to straighten his tie. “That new steakhouse downtown? The one that just got the excellent review?”
“Perfect. Let me just change my shirt.”
She stubs out her cigarette directly on one of the white ceramic plates with delicate blue flowers around the rim—the same plate I had washed by hand this morning, carefully drying it and placing it in the cabinet because these were her “good” plates that couldn’t go in the dishwasher. My hands still smell faintly of the expensive lavender dish soap she insists I use, the kind that costs eleven dollars a bottle.
Fifteen minutes later, they’re gone. I remain frozen in the kitchen, one hand pressed against my burning cheek, watching through the window as Deacon’s arm slides around Sloan’s narrow waist, as they laugh together about something, as they walk to his BMW—the one I helped him make the down payment on three years ago with money I’d been saving for a hearing aid I desperately needed. Their laughter floats back through the open garage door, carefree and light. The engine starts with a quiet, expensive purr. They back out of the driveway and disappear down the tree-lined street, heading off to their hundred-dollar steaks and fifty-dollar bottles of wine, leaving me alone in their showcase house.
The silence that follows their departure is absolute. Just my breathing—ragged, uneven, painful—echoing in the cavernous kitchen with its twelve-foot ceilings and open-concept floor plan designed for entertaining people who never come. Every inhale feels like swallowing broken glass. Every exhale burns.
I move slowly, carefully, like someone who’s just been in an accident and isn’t sure yet what’s broken. My legs feel unsteady as I make my way down the long hallway past the formal dining room they never use, past the home office with Deacon’s mahogany desk, past the powder room with the chandelier that cost more than my first car. I climb the stairs one at a time, gripping the polished bannister, each step a small victory over the weakness threatening to pull me down.